The Good, Bad and Ugly Truth
Most of my life I have struggled with my weight, even as a pre-teen. Most of it had to do with extreme over eating and poor Western style diet. Around the ripe young age of 13 I became unhappy and uncomfortable with my weight. I had gotten to the point where I no longer wanted to do things that required me to take off my shirt in sight of others, which I always wore a bigger size than I really needed so it was loose in an attempt to conceal my wight from others
By the time I was 14 or 15 I decided I had to do something! I was starting to feel secluded from others and very depressed, so I took up mountain biking. I found that I really enjoyed it and it made feel alive again! Which has been years since I had this feeling. Before I new it I was going all over the place to ride new trails. Some-days I would do 50 plus miles at a time. I started to shred off all my unwanted weight, but there was a downfall to all of this new exercising. Between the massive amounts of fat burners such as Stackers I was taking and biking I was finding myself hungry much more often than I use to be. With all the weight I was loosing I thought there is no way am I going to start to eat more now! Little did I know I was going to be at the beginning of a horrible eating disorder that I would develop.
Many people often think only females are at risk for eating disorders, but I'm here to tell you first hand that's just not the case. I wouldn't allow myself to eat more then my 3 small meal a day, maybe 1,200 calories a day at most I was consuming. I was burning way beyond that, to unhealthy level even on some-days. Before long I found myself binge eating box after box of cereal, cookies, ice cream and whatever else I could get my hands on at the time. Even making special trips to the store knowing what was going to happen once I got all those unhealthy treats. I would feel so sick and bloated from it I would always make myself throw it all right back up. Sometimes I would be so depressed over what had just happened, I would unknowingly find myself repeating the process over again.
That took me a very long time to get over and even ended up on depression medication to help cope with it. No one knew what was going on, not even my doctor. I had just told him I was feeling depressed. Being in a world where they are more than willing to give you pills for a anything you want basically out the door, I went with a script, no questions asked. At that point I went from about 215 pounds down to 155, but looked sickly. No 18 year old kid should look like that. I was just skin and bones, you could see all my ribs sticking out. The only thing that truly got me over all that was finding my proper caloric needs for my individual needs and made up a strict meal plan which I never deviated from, measuring out each and everything thing I ate. At this point I started noticing all the people around me looking so muscular and getting everyone's attention and I instantly knew I wanted to start lifting and become more like them. That was my new goal!
Around this same time my local community center opened up a fitness center, I thought perfect and I instantly joined. It was summer of 2004 and I was 18 just graduated high school. Everyday right after work I would ride my bicycle down and spend a hour a day there just lifting whatever I saw others doing, I really had no idea what I was doing at that point, but I knew I wasn't giving up now.
I spent months going through fitness magazines and online chat groups trying to find the perfect diet and lifting routine, but nothing seemed to work like I expected it to. I never got the result I was seeing in the magazines. I tried all kinds of pro-hormones which you could buy at any supplement store. They gave great results but after you stopped you lost most of your gains, which was do to the fact that in your body they converted into testosterone and is why the FDA later banned most of them. After a few years probably about 2008 area I deiced to experiment with a steroid cycle. I spent weeks and weeks looking up all the different compounds and what to expect all the way down to the side effects and how to counter act them if they were to arise. Where to get them, how long to run them, and how to properly inject yourself safely. Wow, I had fantastic results and loved it! That was my only cycle for like a year. I really missed getting results like that. So I decided to do it again. I felt amazing! Nothing could compare to it. It is almost an addictive feeling, getting everything I wanted so fast, so I took several months off and ran it again. At this point they were all your basic testosterone and D-Bol cycles to get big and strong. With not the most perfect diet like I thought I had. I ended up putting on a little more body fat then I wanted, so I tried D.N.P. the king of kings when it comes to fat burners, but it also has some hardcore side effects you must be ready to deal with. You feel like you are burning up inside the whole time, always sweating especially at night, and have to drink several gallons of water a day along with V8 juice to stay hydrated. I melted away all my extra fat in matter of few short weeks. I ran a total of 2 cycles of it over the years, always during the winter months due to the heat you feel from it. I always made sure to use with small amounts of testosterone to persevere muscle that I worked so hard to gain.
Several years went by and I was back to doing everything 100% natural. Then one day I was taking to my one buddy about them. Until then no one on this earth knew I had ever done anything, some had suspected, but I would always deny it. I was afraid of people stereotyping me over it. I find out he was interested in them so we talked and it made me want to start using them again remembering all the results I had gotten in the past, so I do. Since then I have been constantly been on and off them and enjoy every moment of it with no regrets. I honestly have no plans on ever stopping now. Granted I now have moved on to bigger and better compounds with better results, but it's all the same principal in the end.
What people truly don't understand though is there is no magic pill or supplement. It still takes the same hard work and dedication if not more so to achieve your results on steroids. Yes it helps you to recover better and faster, gives you more mental focus, and a better drive at the gym, but without a perfect diet and workout plan nothing will really help you. Some people think if they take steroids without changing anything they will instantly look like Arnold. Look at all the hard work he did day after day no excuses, he himself was a steroid user to the point it was actually abuse. He would eat them like a kid in a candy store. Used properly they do less to the body then people that smoke or drink regularly, which in society today is perfectly acceptable.
It is all sort of like a disease though, when I look in the mirror I still see that fat kid I use to be. That will probably never completely go away. Although over time and my loving wife's kind words and support I am slowly seeing me for me, not the "old" me. I know that will never fully go away though. I have a huge fear of returning to that person to this day, and know without any doubt if I were to stop my lifting routine or way of eating for any amount of time at all I would go insane leading to severe depression instantly. I am addicted to working out and can never skip a workout.
Personally I see no problem with people using steroids, they aren't for everyone though, it's all based on your own personal decisions made by plenty of research, not based on what your buddies tell you. Even most doctors are very uneducated in steroid use. The media twists everything to make people believe what they are told and not facts. I will say though if your a teenager they aren't for you, your naturally in your prime state for making the most testosterone on your own, no need to mess that up this early in life. As you age your natural testosterone goes down each year. Also not for beginner lifers. Your muscles and tendons aren't prepared. You need many good hard years of lifting with a good diet already in place. Currently I am 5'6" tall and 195 pounds, and leaner than I have ever been!
List compounds have currently ran
Test Ethanoate
Testosterone Cypionate
Trenbolne Ethanoate
Deca Durabolin
D-Bol
Anadrol
Clomid
Novadex
Liquidex
Letro
GW-501516 (Cardarine)
D.N.P. (2,4-Dinitrophenol)
